


A Fever That Won't Die Down

by january (seulpd)



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, First Kiss, First Time, POV First Person, Semi-Public Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:40:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26706133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seulpd/pseuds/january
Summary: "Tell me your definition of love."
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Kudos: 46





	A Fever That Won't Die Down

"Hey." 

I come inside the room, turning the lights on. I noticed that whenever she was alone in the office, the lights are turned off and she's doing what she does by the window, the only source of visibility. This time, she was reading her lecture notes.

"Hey," I call again; this time, as I close the door gently and pulled a chair out slowly. I know how much she hates too much noise, especially if she was busy on something. "Draw the curtains down, I already turned the lights on for you."

She doesn't look up, but she follows. Her notebook was still in hand, as her free one untied the cloth and let it drape down over the window.

"You know, you look like a ghost whenever I come in here and you're all alone." I say, and I know all too well I won't be getting any response. All I can do is look around, and wait til my break is over.

Her hair was tied up, giving off the vibe that she was serious. Her thin-framed glasses were sliding down the bridge of her nose every now and then, and she had to adjust it back up all while still reading. Her blazer was off, and the long sleeves of her blouse were rolled up to her elbow. 

She was one of the few girls in the university who submitted a letter of request to wear slacks instead of skirts. Nobody knew something like that was possible, so most conservative ladies followed her. 

I was one of the few to do the same, but only because she told me to do so. She said it was convenient because not only is it cheaper than the skirt, but slacks can make you move however you want without having to worry about getting exposed.

But knowing her, I like to believe that she was one step ahead of planning. The office won't easily allow one person to deviate from the norm, so she gathered people who would willingly follow, for the office to think that the matter was for the good of many.

Anyway, I'm back from scanning my senior, to scanning the whole room.

It seems like it wasn't just Joohyun who was in here earlier, because there were some stuff still left on the respective seats of the vice president, the auditor, and the treasurer on the huge table in the middle of the office.

I wonder if they were on a break too. Does the student council take lunch breaks? Or do they eat while still talking about their tasks?

That made me ask, "Do you want me to get you a meal from the cafeteria?"

"Don't take it personally, but no thanks because I'm busy."

As expected. "Yeah, I figured."

"Good for you."

And then, back to dead air.

Whenever we're in the campus, she's so unreachable. It's like she doesn't have any time for me at all. I always go to her, though, because I don't want to let my time go to waste without spending it with her.

I pity her sometimes. Even if she finishes all her tasks in time, new ones come to replace it. Added to her student council tasks were the tasks given to class, of course. She wasn't exempted from anything, and sometimes I can only watch her stress herself out because she doesn't even allow me to help her.

"What if I feed you?" I ask. "So you won't have to keep your eyes off what you're reading, and you don't have to use your hands."

She keeps up with what she's doing, but at least now, she responds. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

I don't. 

Truth is, I've finished everything I need to do, just so I could be with her. I cancel plans with other friends, because I want to be with her. I skip classes sometimes, just because I heard she was in the office alone again and drowning with the inhumane number of tasks she was forced to do, just so I could give her company that I wish she wanted.

Like the way I wanted hers.

Because I wanted her. Her time, her presence, her attention, her everything. The way her mind works, the way she does her mannerisms, the way she talks so firmly and assuring, the way she smiles, and the way she does it all, when it's for me.

We're just friends, but I want her, more than how a friend needs her friend.

Pretending not to be in love with her was the hardest thing I have done in my life.

She was way out of my league. So cool, so rich, so known, so talented, so smart, so beautiful, so kind. And I'm nothing compared to her, but I have her. So I guess that makes me more special than anyone in this campus is.

But these days, I can't even make her laugh anymore. I can't console her, I can't talk to her, I can't spend enough time with her.

It's like the gap that was initially set by fate between us because of our differences in status in life, skills, personality, and dynamics were widened even more because she had a lot of things to do.

It's like I can't even call her mine now, even though she wasn't anyone's, to begin with.

"I don't," I just say to respond to her last question. "But if you don't want me here, I can leave."

I noticed the way one of Joohyun's eyebrow raise up unconsciously, like how she does every time she wanted to question something.

"Well, do you want to?"

I sighed. "If you want."

"Don't be passive." She says. "You came here voluntarily, even if I didn't ask you to. Now, don't make me decide if I want your presence here or not when you've invited yourself over in the first place. So if you want to leave, you can technically go."

"I don't want to go." I answer. As honestly as I can.

And she just nods. 

"Alright, make yourself at home."

\---

We go home together because we live on the same block, just three houses apart.

My house is the nearer one. Sometimes, I go the extra mile to make sure Joohyun gets home safely (and she used to laugh at how 'protective' I am), but these days she says she's fine on her own.

It's like a cliché heart ache I feel from the way she declines my offer. I mope and go inside my home, wait for her to message me, but I end up going to sleep without any word coming from her.

Her tasks at school is unbelievable. I refuse to believe that the reason she's busy is because of too much work to do. There must be something else, right?

So imagine my shock when today, at dismissal time, she tells me to go straight home or go out with friends.

I wanted to ask why, but the guy waiting by the door of her classroom gave me the hint.

She was dating someone.

I didn't want to hinder her from her happiness; I'm only her friend, right? And true friends should root for the happiness and successes of her friends. I don't see anything wrong with dating, nor have I heard anything bad about the guy, so I don't see why not.

I went home with a heavy heart, thinking what could she have possibly seen in that guy, that she didn't see in me. 

Was it because I wasn't cool enough? Or was it because I'm not funny? Was it because the guy was rich and famous and intelligent like she was?

After thinking too much, I brushed it all off.

She's still my friend, and until she officially breaks it to me that he's her boyfriend, then I'll keep hoping.

I guess.

\---

The next day, I went to the office again once it was lunch time.

Although seeing her right now after overthinking yesterday would hurt me to the core, I guess I should keep spending time with her before she completely cuts me out of her life and deems me unworthy of her attention.

I twisted the knob, and to my surprise, it was locked.

I peeked from the blinds from the inside, through the small window on the door, and all the lights are off. The curtains weren't drawn down as well.

Maybe none of the officers went here yet.

But where on earth could Joohyun be, if not here, during lunch break?

I tried to think of where she could possibly be, when suddenly, the unthinkable popped into my mind.

She's probably with that guy.

So I didn't even have second thoughts and started to walk away, when all of a sudden, I heard the door unlock and open.

"Seulgi," The voice called. 

It was Joohyun's, of course.

I turned around and saw her peeking behind the opened door, looking like she just woke up.

Did she cut classes just to get some sleep?

"Hey," I say. "What are you doing there? Can I come inside?"

She just nods and holds the door open for me, like a real accommodating host. 

It was convenient that the office was at the end of the hall of the highest floor before the rooftop, so no one sees me come unauthorised inside the office.

Joohyun locked the door again and sat on the sofa near the shelves. 

"I've been asleep the whole time, it's my free day." She says, and it's the liveliest tone I heard from her ever since she has gotten busy.

I scratched my head and sat down as well. "I hope I'm not bothering you then," I say, watching he stretch her arms.

Now's the chance to clear my head, I guess.

"Where's your boyfriend, by the way?"

She just stares at me, clueless. "What boyfriend?" 

To me, it seemed like one of those movie scenes where one character accuses someone wrongly, and the two characters try to decode each other's shocked expression.

"Where did you get that from?" She continues to ask.

I flinch when I felt like I was proven wrong, but relieved that at least I know that she hasn't given her heart so someone yet.

"I don't know..." I shyly said. "You're always busy, you have no time for me anymore, and yesterday you spent your time with someone else... I just thought that maybe the reason you've been avoiding me is because there's someone now who's getting your attention..."

She just smiled. "Technically, in case I do get myself in a relationship, I won't 'avoid' you. Why would I? It's not like you're some kind of disease. Though I may intentionally pick her over you from time to time because I prefer her company, it doesn't mean I'm avoiding you. It just generally means I'm preferring to be with her, and I'm losing time to spend with you because of my decision. You should start to use your head sometimes, Sseul."

And that, I did.

I used my head when something echoed through my mind from what she said.

'Her'? Pick 'her'? 'Her' company? Preferring to be with... 'her'?

Did I hear her right?

I didn't want to bring anymore unnecessary reactions from her since she seems tired, so I let it be.

She was just staring at the ceiling, probably contemplating if she wants to keep sleeping or what, but I make myself believe that maybe she's thinking of what she said as well.

And maybe she noticed I spaced out too, so she decided to speak.

"Have you ever kissed someone?"

And I could only blink.

Joohyun was sitting on my lap, facing me, and making out with me.

When I admitted that I have never kissed nor have been kissed by someone, it seemed to have sparked something within her. 

"I want to be your first kiss," She said right after I answered. "I'm your best friend, I know, but I want to take your firsts, Seulgi."

What a clingy best friend, I thought, when she removed her blazer and straddled my lap and started to kiss me.

I allowed her, I kiss her back, and it felt like heaven.

My heart raced, it felt so good, it felt so unreal.

And when her tongue met mine? I wanted to burst.

She was undoing my tie and popped the first few buttons of my blouse. 

Her tongue traced the left side of my jaw and trailed down my neck.

It tickled, and made me feel good. 

Did she want this, the way I want it?

I find myself pulling her closer to me, one hand pushing her back towards me, and one hand going through her hair.

She kept licking one certain spot on my neck that makes me shiver in a good way.

"Wh-what are you trying to do..?" I weakly ask, trying to cover my moan. I don't want to easily give in, in case she was testing me.

She goes down deeper, kissing the exposed skin of my chest. 

"I'm trying to take you." She says.

She's what?

"You can tell me to stop if you don't want to..." She drifts off.

That's when something crazy came to my mind.

"Don't be so passive, you're the one who invited yourself to do this." 

I smirked, and it only made her be more aggressive.

Shit,

I surprisingly like this, even if I feel so bad and so mean and so selfish.

But I realised that this wasn't only for me.

Maybe, just maybe...

Maybe she wants me too.

For she replied,

"I'll go all the way, then."

I sat naked on the same sofa where she did me.

She was still completely dressed, but the first few buttons of her blouse were undone.

She fetched two glasses of water from the small refrigerator here in the office.

"Here you go, help yourself." She says as she places my glass on the coffee table in front of the guest sofa. 

I unintentionally stared at her cleavage, and I wonder... Why didn't she let me touch her?

What was the reason why she didn't want me to touch her back?

"The officers might smell me here..." I said, noticing the way I dripped on the sofa. "I'm gonna get killed."

"Don't worry, we can always deny." She said. "It's our secret, okay?" 

She sat beside me again, and gave me a kiss.

She fondled my breasts again, making my breath hitch.

It feels real good.

"You taste good, Seulgi." She said. "I want to eat you out." 

She had been fingering me the whole time earlier, licking my wetness off her hand each time she pauses. 

She took a sip from her glass before she kneeled in front of me, parting my legs apart and adjusting herself in a way her mouth was in line with my wetness.

"F-Fuck," The sight alone made me want to make her eat me already. "Please... I'm so wet, Hyun..."

"I want this. Can I...?"

It doesn't take a genius to know my answer when I moved forward and forced myself towards her face.

Her tongue was so cold against my hot, wet core.

"Fuck!" I couldn't keep it in. I panted and whimpered, trying to keep my mouth shut. "U-Unnie..."

I don't know what came to me, but I managed to moan that out.

And apparently, she liked it.

A lot.

She started to flick and suck my clit faster, becoming more and more aggressive towards it. While she's at it, she started to pump a finger inside me.

Fuck, such a multitasker.

I gasped out as she licked my entrance, cleaning me up before a new wave of cum goes out.

"Hnng, unnie..." 

When she heard me say it though, she carefully stood up.

I thought she was going to end, but then,

"Call me like that one more time and I won't hold back."

I don't understand why she needed so much permission when I literally just gave my everything away, to her.

But if she's this respectful to me, her best friend, then by all means,

"Take me as you wish, unnie."

That's what it took her before she tied her hair up, got down on her knees once more, and ate me out.

\---

I lay tired on the guest sofa, listening to the bell that signified the lunch break was over. I was still shivering — shaking — from what happened between us.

My clit still trembled, as if it remembered the way Joohyun played, flicked, and licked it up. 

I still feel the way her fingers pumped in and out of me. 

I still feel her hands on my chest, her breath on my neck, and her lips on my mouth.

All that, as I wonder if Joohyun regrets any of this.

She was still dressed properly. I never got the chance to touch her the way she did me, but I'm glad that she seemed satisfied. I think she is, from the way she smiled at me as she stared at me, like a painter admiring her own masterpiece.

"That's the Seulgi only I can see." She says. "Thanks for letting me do you."

With everything that I've done with her today, I guess I could confess to her now openly, without having to hold back the heart that's been pounding the whole time she was making magic with me.

So with all the pride I have left in me, I softy said what I never knew I would be saying.

"I love you."

She doesn't respond, but instead, helps me dress up again.

She clasped my brassiere and helped me wear my underwear. She buttoned my blouse up and did the knot of my tie. She zipped my slacks up once it was around my waist, and in that moment, I took a whiff of her scent.

I truly love everything about her.

"You're late now." She says, but I still couldn't see from her expression that she wanted to go to her class.

Maybe she really was trying to catch some sleep, just that I bothered her slumber.

But if that was the case, then I must be special.

Not only did she accommodate me inside her bedroom substitute, but also made me feel the pleasures I never knew I would feel.

Maybe I should ask and talk to her about what our relationship had become later at dismissal.

\---

I thought this time we could go home together already, but I could only dream.

It seems that she was at least free from work today, but when I passed by her classroom, people were gathering around her. 

They seem like they're planning to invite Joohyun to hang out with them, and with the way Joohyun politely nods and speaks, it seems like she would be coming with them.

As popular as ever.

Guess I'll be on my own on the way home again?

She doesn't respond to my texts nor pick up my calls.

Even when I check if she's online, the time indicator kept showing me minutes from when she was last online, and it kept changing back to '1m ago', meaning that she purposely set her account to be offline.

Is she avoiding me?

Or perhaps...

Now that I think about it... The reason why she decided to try having sex with me, and how she 'avoids' me...

Maybe she has a girlfriend instead?

And she wasn't technically avoiding me, but rather, choosing to spend time with her lover.

But why would she do me?

She's confusing; since when had we been keeping secrets from each other?

Again, a thought hit me that I probably was the first one to ever keep something from her, which was my feelings.

But what if she doesn't have any romantic interests as of now, at all?

What if she got bothered by my confession?

But in the first place, why would she do that?

Right?

\---

"Hey."

As usual, I end up in the office again once I finally caught Joohyun all alone inside.

"You've been avoiding me, I see it."

She purposely changed routes when she goes home, she hangs out with other people she didn't care about, she started to suddenly have more tasks to do.

Joohyun continued doing what she did — blanking out, as if she wasn't hearing anything I say. 

As if I wasn't even there at all.

"It's my confession, was it?" I asked. "I ruined us, right?"

Still nothing.

I glared at her and locked the door.

"Bae Joohyun, answer me."

She finally had the time to glance up at me and look at me.

"No, it's not you."

Whenever she speaks so vaguely like that, the more I get confused.

If it wasn't my confession — if it isn't about me — then what?

"What we did, we shouldn't have done that." She continued. "You shouldn't have came here and brought up my relationship status. You shouldn't have submitted yourself so easily to me, and confess all of a sudden like that."

That's the most that she had said to me ever since the day we had something.

"Then what is?" I asked.

I know what I said could have potentially be the reason why we're ruined. I wasn't dumb enough not to expect that to happen.

But what was she aiming for when she decided to have sex with me? 

For experience?

Is it to learn how to do it correctly, because she had someone else in mind?

Was it because she was so bored, a random thought just came to her and she makes me feel now like it was all my fault?

"Tell me," I pleaded. "Because if we were to end our friendship here and now because of that, then at least give me an explanation."

"You love me, you say?" She asked.

I couldn't be more assertive. "I do, I told you. From the bottom of my heart."

She stared at me, long enough to make me think about what she's trying to make me understand.

"Then tell me your definition of love."

That's a trick question — I know she rather hear the truth, but if I do, it'll only worsen the conversation. 

I had to face the internal conflict, whether I should find the words that would possibly appease her and convince her that we could just go back to friends, or I risk with the truth, knowing all too well that it could possibly take me downhill.

But I realized, no matter what I tell her, nothing would ever be the same again, right?

Even if we do go back to being friends or if she chooses to cut me out of her life, we won't have the same bond we shared, after doing what we did and saying what we said.

I was struck by the moment she got all over me, and it was probably my fault that I allowed her to do so. It probably made her think I had been wanting it all my life.

Maybe if I really didn't allow myself to give in, maybe I wouldn't have admitted my feelings.

Maybe —

"See, you're overthinking again. And if I sense it correctly, overthinking about something that had already happened." She cut my thoughts off and brought me back to reality.

She's right.

What's done is done, and I have to face the present head on.

"I'm thinking that maybe the love you think of is spending time together, supporting each other, being all lovey-dovey. The sweet, romantic kind, right? The one that would make you feel all warm and comfortable."

I nodded.

She took the words right from my thoughts, even before I could formulate a sensible statement.

"To you, love is spending the ups and downs of life with someone, going on dates with them, being true to each other and being yourself around the person, right?"

Again, I nodded.

If she knew what I would answer, why did she bother asking?

"Was this the love you wanted with me, Kang Seulgi?"

There was no turning back now. 

Like how I convinced myself, what's done is done.

I would rather stay true and accept the change, than hold myself back and regret all the things I said and should have said.

With a sigh of defeat, I nodded.

"Then what I felt was the sick kind of love."

I shot my head and looked at her, getting more and more lost as to what she was saying.

I clearly didn't understand anything, and she seems to be reading that on my face pretty well.

"I love you, probably stronger than you did. Not only did I feel the kind of love you ideally have, but I went beyond that and started to want more of you, more from you, all for myself.

"You felt the romantic kind of love, not probably thinking that I do, too. But all the while that you felt that for me, did you think dirtily of me? Dreamt of tainting my body with your wetness? Sleep with me and make love to each other?

"If not, then I guess there really must be something wrong with me. Because while I thought you were still thinking of me as your best friend, here I am wanting to let you know that I don't want to be treated as just another friend to you.

"I wanted you to look at only me and want me the way I want you. I wanted you for my own, and it's the sick kind of love where I want to selfishly keep you mine."

That was all too much for my head and heart to handle.

All the while,

She wanted me too.

And not just the way I wanted her.

But in a way I never thought I would want her, too.

"I didn't want to tell you, because I know that with the kind of love I wanted, you might feel forced to love me back. But when you told me you love me, I just..." 

She sighed.

And I gave her enough kindness to take a breath before she continues. 

Because if I, the listener, thought of this shocking confession as too much, then what more for the one speaking, right?

"When you confessed to me you loved me, I couldn't bring myself to love you the way I do because you wanted me like how a normal person wants someone. Because I thought I did you wrong and I should've just waited for you to confess, so that it would look like we got together normally, with normal feelings and development for each other, before getting to sex.

"A thought also came to me, that when you said you love me, it was an impulsive feeling just because I made love to you. If only I was the one who confessed before you, then there's a reason to back up why I wanted to take all of your firsts."

It was all sinking in to me now.

But I still don't understand why we can't happen, just because her love is starting to get spiced up with her lust.

I know at one point, I felt hot and bothered around Joohyun, too. So why does she think it's not okay?

"I would understand if you think of me ridiculously now, and if you were the one to avoid me." She says in a dismissive tone. "Just know that I don't regret anything, alright? And I'm always here for you in case you need a friend."

I don't want to leave her.

Not when I finally know what she feels, and not when she had broken down all her walls just to tell me what I wanted to hear.

So I, an inexperienced person, said the unthinkable.

"Let's make love, Hyun."

"S-Seu — fuck!"

Her hand gripped on my head, pushing me to go harder.

So, this is what a pussy tastes like...

I smile to myself as I lap up all the juices every now and then before going back up to her sensitive bud.

"Please..." She breathed. "I want more, Sseul..."

I inserted my tongue inside and rubbed her clit sensually, making her hips buck from the sensation. 

Fuck... I think I'm gonna cum too at this rate.

She's so sexy, I can't help getting wet from her sounds, her moans, her pleas.

The way my tongue makes sloppy and lewd sounds when I lick her up.

The way she pinched and pulled at her own nipples.

I get now why she wanted this so much.

It made me love her and want her more.

Even I want to be the only one who sees this side of Joohyun.

"Sseul, please..." She grips harder on my hair. "More..."

The needier she sounds, the more I want to pleasure her.

By now, I think my tongue has gone numb from the quick pace of it on Joohyun's clit, but I don't mind.

I'll make her cum, and all that cum is for me.

I'm the one who will make her cum.

"I'm so close, Sseul." 

Fuck! She says that with a moan!

I now started to tickle her clit with the tip of my tongue, inserting two fingers deep in her, twisting and pumping into her wet core.

With the way her wetness sloshes back in when I go faster on her, 

I'm about to lose my mind.

I do realize now why it was such a good thing to pleasure the one you love.

To see them feel so ecstatic, and you're the reason behind it. 

Something you could say only you two could do to each other.

Maybe Joohyun's additional idea of love isn't that bad as what she thought it was.

\---

We started going out after that.

No one bothered asking whether we were going out or not, and maybe it's because we have always been as close as we are. It's like nothing changed at all.

People will keep trying to ask Joohyun out, of course. And that's nothing new to me either. Although now, it does make me feel jealous, she helps me soothe the ugly feelings of it by giving me reassurances and kisses.

Now I understand better why people get a little bit possessive, too. This was what Joohyun said that she didn't want to be just another friend, and that she wanted all of me. And maybe now, I feel the same for her.

I get confessions too every now and then. They said that I've bloomed so much (and personally, I think it's because of Joohyun). But all the same, why would I pick someone over Joohyun? 

Even if she does claim that there may be someone else better than her,

She'll always be the best for me.

Not everyone is aware of the relationship we're in now.

But we know, that hidden from people's eyes, we are lovers who do things that lovers do, and feel emotions that lovers feel.

**Author's Note:**

> It's @seulpd/@tragicist (zekrom on aff), and I have decided to repost this work here on ao3! I hope you enjoyed this work ^^


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